How to Encourage Teens to Make Better Choices
By Dr. Cam, Family Success Coach
The other day I had this thought...
Teens are wired to establish autonomy which is why they don't like us to tell them what to do, right?
They push back.
That's because when we tell them what to do, we claim "ownership" of that choice. It becomes untouchable to our teen. It's tainted with our parenting cooties.
Even if they agree with what you say 100%, their instinct to separate themselves from you is even stronger. They must if they're ever going to move out of your house!
They are left to choose something different, which is inevitably not the "right choice."
And we get annoyed, frustrated, angry, hurt...
So, what if we didn't claim the right choice? What if we left it available so our teen could own it? Would they choose it?
Instead of telling them what to do, ask them what they think they should do. Invite them to come up with a solution.
I can't guarantee they'll get it "right" every time, but I can guarantee it's far more likely. I've tried it with my own teenager, and she chooses well most of the time (of course, sometimes we disagree on what the right choice is.)
Truth is, our teens typically know the right choice, even want to make the right choice. They crave your approval and are crushed by your criticism.
I encourage you to try it. If they were going to push back anyway, what do you have to lose?
Here's my biggest takeaway…
Teens are wired to do their own thing. When we tell them the "right" thing to do, we claim it as our choice, not theirs. If you want your teen to make the "right" choice, give them the chance to claim it.
Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD, the “teen translator,” is an adolescent psychologist, family success coach, host of the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast and Parenting Teens Power Hour, and is the author of Power Phrases for Parents: Teen Edition. For over a decade, she has been helping parents build strong, positive relationships with their teens through improved communication, connection, and understanding using her PRIME Parenting Method. Dr. Cam is the mom of a teen too, so she not only talks the talk, she walks the walk!
Visit Dr. Cam’s website: www.askdrcam.com
Thank you for your insightful guest blog, Don't forget to check out Wendy Weinberger's, President and COO of Illuminos Academic Coaching & Tutoring, interview with Dr.Cam on the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast. The Facebook Live podcast can be found on Dr. Cam's Facebook page.