The Best Investment You Can Make For Your Teen
By Dr. Cam, Family Success Coach
Your teenager’s most fundamental need is to feel loved by YOU. When your child feels unconditionally loved by you he is better equipped to handle the bumpy road of adolescence.
You’re probably thinking, “Of course I love my teen. She knows that!” But you may be surprised. Your teen needs constant, consistent affirmation of your love. More importantly, your positive interactions with your teen must outweigh the negative.
Think of it like a bank account that takes relational currency.
Relational currency is an act or statement that expresses love, care, or concern for another person. Every time you show your teen affection, it’s like making a deposit into his account. The more deposits you make, the more he'll feel connected and supported by you, even during difficult times.
On the other side of the coin, every negative interaction is a withdrawal.
If you withdraw more than you deposit, you deplete your teen’s account, leaving your teen feeling abandoned and unloved. Instead of expressing that to you, she may misbehave, act out at school, have a tantrum, or rebel. This turns opportunities for connection into power struggles, which leave everyone angry and discouraged. That leads to even more negative interaction.
The goal is to keep your teen’s emotional account as full as possible. That way, when the inevitable clash arises, your teen has enough relational currency to cover it.
When you keep your teen’s emotional bank account full, you're able to form a stronger connection between the two of you. A strong connection leads to better communication, deeper understanding, and will drastically improve your relationship with your teen.
The more you invest new, the more your teen will prosper later.
Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD, the “teen translator,” is an adolescent psychologist, family success coach, host of the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast and Parenting Teens Power Hour, and is the author of Power Phrases for Parents: Teen Edition. For over a decade, she has been helping parents build strong, positive relationships with their teens through improved communication, connection, and understanding using her PRIME Parenting Method. Dr. Cam is the mom of a teen too, so she not only talks the talk, she walks the walk!
Visit Dr. Cam’s website: www.askdrcam.com
Thank you for your insightful guest blog, Dr. Cam. Don't forget to join Wendy Weinberger, President and COO of Illuminos Academic Coaching & Tutoring, as she speaks with Dr.Cam on the Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam podcast. Tune in via Facebook Live (on Dr. Cam's Facebook page) at 9:30am EST on Tuesday, August 3. Then, join Illuminos and Staying Ahead of the Game on Monday, August 9, at 12pm EST for Dr. Cam discussing "3 Secrets to Communicating with Your Teen." Register for this free "Less Stress" Parenting discussion by clicking here.
Healthy Social Media Practices
Social media platforms give adolescents the ability to share their lives and connect with others. While adolescents describe these platforms as a way for them to connect and maintain relationships with friends and family, social media also creates environments for bullying and negativity. It is important for students to develop the impression management skills necessary to manage their online reputations.
Here are a few tips to consider when managing your impression on social media platforms:
Privacy Settings
Use them for social media, email and other accounts.
Be aware of exactly what parts of your profile and posts can be seen by the public.
Use step by step instructions to ensure the settings are on correctly.
Limit your profiles and make sure you are allowing only people you know to view your posts.
Create complex passwords and keep them to yourself. Others do not need to know your password. This is private information.
Turn off location and check in sharing.
Try not to access your accounts from other devices. You do not know who has access to the device.
Be Kind
Cyber bullying is an issue for adolescents these days and it is never ok. It is important to always treat the opinions of others with respect. If you do not agree with someone else's post, keep scrolling. There is no need to get into an argument with others on social media.
It is never ok to post hurtful or embarrassing messages on social media.
It is great to highlight positive things that are happening in your life or congratulate others on their achievements.
Think about what you post before you post it –
It is important to remember nothing ever goes away on the internet. So, before you click ‘post’ think about whether this really represents who you are.
Always think about what your family, friends, educators and future employers may think before posting.
Always take the time to think through your feelings and your thoughts before posting on specific topics.
It is always important to remember that while something may seem harmless at the time, it could come back to haunt you later on.
Keep track of posts that you have been associated with, whether you have been tagged in it or commented on it. Make sure that you maintain your reputation across all platforms.
No need to overshare–
You do not need to post about every event you attend or every food you eat. Sometimes it is more fun to just enjoy being in the moment and holding onto those memories.
While it may feel good in the short term to share personal things on social media, for example, break up, family issues etc. it is usually better to share those with an adult or a professional.
Taking the time to protect your social media accounts by using discretion with social media illustrates a certain sense of maturity. Practicing impression management through social media is a great first step.
For more information on how to best manage your impression on social media check out these links:
References:
Pew Research Center, November 2018, “Teens’ Social Media Habits and Experiences
Pew Research Center, May 2018, “Teens, Social Media & Technology 2018”