How to Get Organized

Written By: Coach Nathaniel Jenkins

The ability to organize is an under-discussed skillset. Organization is a tedious stepping stone that requires constant maintenance in efforts to meet our next goal or deadline. As I am sure you know, organization is acutely important in day to day life whether we acknowledge it or not; this can be a frightening thought for many, especially for young minds with executive functioning hardships or ADHD. You may have heard something along the lines of “I would like to become more organized, but I don’t know where to start!” or “I know where my stuff is and that is all that matters!” As is true for most things in life, just because one way works for an individual does not mean that it will work for another. Organizational skills are not simply taught through a “one size fits all” approach because no one student is exactly alike. For some, the thought of being disorganized is unfathomable, but for others, it's just a part of life. An article called “How to Help Yourself Get Organized” by the Child Mind Institute https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-yourself-get-organized/ provides insight on how young minds may work and think of organization.

      Young minds are malleable and have incredible amounts of potential to soak up a lot of information. It is imperative to promote day to day routines focused on staying organized to carry out tasks of all difficulty levels with more peace of mind. Organization is not tactical, it is strategic, but it may require various different tactics, or approaches, to get your student on track to becoming self-sufficient in their organizational abilities. According to the article “How to Help Yourself Get Organized,” the most important “universal tips” for success when learning organizational skills are to do the following:

·         Write it down.

·         Put the same thing in the same place every time.

·         Make easy-to-lose things bulky.

·         Breaking overwhelming tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces.

·         Keep it simple.

            Let’s include these points into steps for instilling a sense of confidence to develop organizational skills in your student.

1.       If at first you don’t…. find an approach that is successful, test new approaches until you find one that works! Don’t stress it if several approaches don’t work as expected. Trial and error is a part of life. You will find what your student responds to in time. Positive reinforcement in general will go a long way in promoting life skills such as organization.

2.       Weaknesses, we all have them. Understanding weaknesses and tackling them head on is key in life in general, but especially in the life of a student lacking executive functioning skills. For these students, the sense of having a “weakness[es]” may be heightened and identifying weaknesses you may observe as the parent, teacher, etc. in your student may be different from what the student would classify as their weaknesses. Communicating to identify these shortcomings will significantly help in the long run.

3.       Methods for success. These methods may include specific items or words of affirmation or whatever it is your student positively responds to. Would a physical calendar full of handwritten notes of when homework, exams, etc. are due be a successful method for your student? Or would having the student write on a notepad or even an app for notes in their phone help? The key to successfully instilling a sense of organization in your student is to focus on what works for them.

4.       Don’t stress the planning aspect of becoming organized. The thought of attempting what to do to become organized can be daunting, but simple small steps will show the most success and will build over time into a fluid routine of maintaining organization in day to day life. The methods mentioned in step 3 may not be immediately useful so find what works piece by piece.

The key to all of this is understanding that your student is learning a new skill set altogether that does not have its own class subject at school. Your student who faces complications with executive functioning has a lot of potential to put their energy into becoming organized and maybe even one day enjoying the sense of accomplishment that organization brings. Finding what works for your student will not only help instill a valuable life skill, but will also help them to succeed in academics and whatever life may throw their way.

How to Raise a Happy Child

All parents want their kids to be happy and healthy but  sometimes we don't know how to make them happy or build self confidence. We are not perfect and need some guidance along the way. See below for 16 tips on how to raise happy children. 

1. Acknowledge that everything you know is wrong. 

Everything science tells us to do to make our kids happy we are not doing. Admit this to your children. 

2. Stop giving them everything.

Kids are much happier when they give to others rather than receiving, Giving back also allows them to see the happiness they contributed to someone else's life.

3. Let them do it for themselves. 

At a young age, we need to let our children learn how to do things on their own. It will help them grow independence. When they grow older it shouldn’t be about control it should be about mentoring and guiding them. 

4. Unschedule a little. 

If your child's schedule is jammed pack every day, take a look at what can be dropped so they have time to go outside and be with their friends. 

5. Hit your own pause button. 

Your stress level can have an impact on your children. If you are carpooling kids all day long from activity to activity take a look at what you can cut out to maintain your happiness. 

6. Make time for others. 

Make sure your child has real life encounters with others to promote social skills. 

7. Collaboration on the rules. 

Instead of giving a child a rule, ask them to contribute to it. If you have a teenager and you want their curfew to be 10 and they ask for 11, meet halfway and change it to 10:30. A little bit of compromise goes a long way with children being able to make their own responsible decisions. 

8. Find the “just right” solution for each child. 

Every child and their needs are different. Something that may have worked for one of your children may not work for the other. Find what works for each child. 

9. Quality time is key.

Quality time and unconditional love are key components of a happy child. Use bedtime as a way to connect without other people around. Read a book together or talk about their day. This makes them feel special and important. 

10. Get outside. 

Kids who may have attention struggles or have a lot of energy, take them outside and get on their level. Playing and engaging with them connects you in a different way. 

11.  Play to their strengths. 

Zoning in on a specific strength for a child is great for their self confidence. Praising them for their efforts in a positive way will become an internal voice for them. 

12. Don't forget the basic needs. 

Many kids are involved in so many after school activities and are shuffled around from activity to activity. Remembering that a well balanced meal and a good night's sleep can go a long way. 

13. Check yourself. 

The way you carry yourself affects your children. If you are anxious, your kids can pick up on those emotions and will begin to echo your tone of voice. Being able to control your moods and engage in self regulation is an important responsibility as a parent. 

14. Rethink Consequences 

Sometimes rather than implementing consequences, it is important to realize that this is an opportunity to teach and allow your child to grow. Let them tell you about their emotions because they could be struggling with how to deal with them. In addition, maybe giving them an opportunity to take responsibility for their actions can be a great teaching moment. 

15. Focus on your relationship. 

Developing a relationship with your child is key to their happiness. Being able to connect with them is crucial in their happiness and development. 

16. Just ask...them

You would be surprised about how honest kids are. If you want to know what makes them happy…..ask. 

 https://mom.com/kids/secrets-to-raising-happy-children/just-ask-them

Helicopter Parenting

Everyone talks about helicopter parents, but what exactly does that mean? Parents & Teenagers, a book written by Dr. Hiam Ginott, interviewed teenagers about their parents and they described them as hovering over them just like helicopters. Dr. Ginott also describes helicopter parenting as any behavior where parents are overly involved in the child's life. This type of parenting usually involves teenagers but can show up at any age. Many times, parents may start calling their teachers, become overly involved in play time, or try to complete or do the majority of their homework. 

Reading this, you may be thinking…”wow that is over the top.” However, helicopter parenting comes from a good place. There is no one size fits all with this type of parenting but usually the root cause is misplaced concern for their child. 

We often see helicopter parenting with parents who are anxious. They may feel they don’t have control over their own lives and therefore try to control their child’s. The need for control usually lies within their past; potentially parents who felt neglected or unloved as a child overcompensate in this area. In addition, some parents want to protect their children from failure, bad grades or negative interactions with their peers. Therefore, they hover over their child so this doesn't happen. Lastly, just like children, parents can feel peer pressure as well. If they see other parents using this style of parenting, they may feel pressured to “keep up” with the other parents. 

The Consequences

Being an engaged parent is always wonderful, however there is a big difference between an engaged parent and a helicopter parent. A helicopter parent may be shielding their child from failure and disappointment for the short term but the reality is we all need to fail at some point to succeed. A part of growing up is to learn lessons and change from them. 

Doing too much for a child causes lack of self confidence. Although parents don’t intend to, doing too much for their children makes them believe they are not capable of it or their parents don’t trust them.

Another negative result of this parenting style is, when things inevitably do go wrong, usually children who have helicopter parents often don’t have the coping skills to handle it. If a parent always made sure that a child never had to face disappointment or clean up a mess, those children have been denied the opportunity to learn the coping skills that will get them through life.

The end result of helicopter parenting is never good. Lack of coping skills turns into two main things: Entitlement or Anxiety. Children who have never experienced failure sometimes develop feelings that everything will always go their way and in some ways feel that they deserve it. Many times this leads to them acting entitled or spoiled. Another attitude that manifests from this is anxiety. Children who have never faced disappointment or failure can lead to anxiety about letting people down. Regardless if entitlement or anxiety manifests, deep rooted issues can come from helicopter parenting. 

Avoiding Helicopter Parenting

There is no simple answer to avoid being a helicopter parent. There are a few things that you can keep in mind when parenting. Awareness is a huge part of parenting, realizing what is overbearing and what is the appropriate amount of involvement is key. In addition, knowing what is age appropriate to allow them to begin to overcome challenges on their own. What is necessary and appropriate for a 4 year old is not the same for a teenager. Being aware of the differences between the ages is extremely important. 

Tips for a Successful Interview

Over time, for one reason or another students are going to have to interview. Whether the student is interviewing for a job or college admissions interview skills are crucial to success. Being able to interview well is all about impression management. We teach our students to manage their impressions they leave on others. The real world is all about social connections and how you present yourself to others is extremely important. 

It is becoming increasingly key to have strong interview skills even as a high school student. Teaching these skills is sometimes difficult because most resources are geared towards adults. However, we have come up with an easy process to follow to help your student feel confident going into an interview. 

Managing the first impression

Did you know it takes just seven seconds for a first impression to form?

• Make sure you look your best, dress nicely in clean clothes without rips or stains. Make sure your clothes fit appropriately and are not wrinkled. This is a great initial way to show the interviewer that you are taking the interview seriously.

• It is better to be overdressed than underdressed.

• Make sure that you communicate appropriately before the interview via email or over the phone. Writing an effective email or speaking professionally over the phone is a crucial part of landing the interview in the first place. 

• Punctuality is a major concern for employers and late arrival will often lower your chances of landing the job. Always try to arrive five to fifteen minutes early to your interview. Even if you have to wait, it shows you take the potential position seriously. 

Maintaining a good impression

• Introduce yourself and shake hands with the interviewer. Smile, speak clearly, and make eye contact.

• Be prepared to answer questions about your skills, personality, and past experiences. It is important to be prepared to discuss why you are interested in the job and why you would be a good fit.  Employers want to hire employees who show a positive attitude and are truly interested in the work they will be doing. The same goes for college interviews. If you don’t seem interested in their school, they may not want to admit you, even if you have all the qualifications. Before the interview, ask a parent or friend to ask you mock questions so you are prepared for the interview. 

• Make sure you practice sitting up straight and having your hands placed in your lap. This will allow it to be natural on the day of. 

• Make sure to put your phone on silent and out of eye sight. Resist the temptation to check your phone at any time when you are in view of the interviewer. Employers are very concerned about losing productivity among employees who are constantly checking their phones.

• Employers want upbeat workers who don’t bring a negative attitude to the job. Showing your good attitude in the interview will help you land the position. The same rule applies for admissions interviews and volunteer or internship opportunities.  

• Reflect the three Cs during the interview: cool, calm, and confident.

Following up

• This is the time to really show your manners. After your interview, make sure to send a short email or make a quick phone call to thank your interviewer for taking the time to meet/talk with you and be sure to mention that you are excited about the opportunity to work at the company. Use correct grammar and punctuation to show your skill set. 

Impression management is a skill that will carry students throughout their lives and teaching it now will help them prepare for their future. Our academic coaches teach students about the importance of utilizing resources such as teachers, counselors, advisors, parents, peers, etc. to maximize their success. They will also work with students on preparing their resumes, as well as discussing and preparing for interviews, this may include interview role play and critiquing.  Give us a call for more information!